I’ve been under a cloud for about a week. Last Thursday I noticed my wallet was missing from my purse. My wallet contained my driver’s license, my check card, my check book, credit card. I noticed it was gone from my purse on my way to work and I was sure it would just be at home sitting on my computer desk or night side table. When I got home Matt and I searched and searched and almost a week later it still hasn’t turned up. Being victim of identity theft in the past, this is a very scary and traumatizing experience. For a few days I monitored my cards and there was no activity, but since I still haven’t found the wallet everything has been put on hold.
I’ve been letting this wallet issue affect me way too much. Up until I lost my wallet I had been on quite a roll of keeping the house organized and staying on top of chores. Now, the house is a huge mess and I feel emotionally and physically drained from the hunt, resulting with a lack of any motivation. Imagine if I had been able to pick up my house, turn it upside down and shake it until my wallet dropped out. That is how the house looks and feels right now. I kind of feel like life is on hold till I find it. But now a week later I am facing that I might never find it. As they say “admitting you have a problem is the first step”, and I feel a bit lighter that I even recognized that it was the lost wallet that was really bringing me down. That sounds funny that I wouldn’t know that myself. Of course I knew I was bummed about losing the wallet and I knew the house was a mess because I couldn’t find my wallet, but I wasn’t able to step back from my emotions and see things clearly, dust myself off and get back on with life.
Yesterday my tiny moleskine cahier caught my eye. I carry that with me everywhere and fill it with personal notes and to do lists, etc. I often tuck the cahier into my wallet and right then as I saw it, it occurred to me that it could have easily been lost as well. I was so relieved. It has dawned on me things could be so much worse. I could have lost my entire purse, which carries my ipod, camera, my sketchbook, and a few other tchotchkes that carry a lot of personal sentiment. I know that “things” are not what is important in life, but it is really hard not to get attached to certain items that you have kept, carry, invest in and help to record your daily life. In reality I know I have so much to be thankful for. I still have my health and all my loved ones around me. I still have art, and I still have my mind (although that is questionable at times).